I apologize for this being way late, my browsers weren’t letting me into WordPress, so I put publishing this off.
DEATHCLAWS ARE OP
You guys already probably know what is going to happen here, so I’ll try and quickly get to the good part, involving my quarterly meeting with such a fantastic creature. These guys are the mountain trolls of Fallout, and they are resistant to lazorz and there is no Fus Ro Dah to save you now.
After fighting a few powder gangers along the tracks, I come across a mining outpost called Sloan, and the miners there tell me that the mine has been shutdown due to deathclaws, and advise me to travel east from Primm if I want to get to New Vegas. I know the map, though, and I know I just walked a long ways (or it seems like a long ways, as it included me getting killed by speedhacked bugs and avoiding the local uberscorpions) so I’m going to just look to see if it’s just the writers making stuff sound big and dangerous, or if they made that thing actually big and dangerous.
You guys already know what it is. Stop your smirking. Stahp.
I just come down a small incline in the road, and see some lizard thing stomping around on the road. That thing looks mildly annoying, so I go to flip my mouse left to turn around, but then I am startled when I see Barney gettin’ all up in my Bear Grylls.
So, using my hardcore gamer instincts, I test my uber-micro on my mouse. I discovered two things in that minute: deathclaws require grenade launchers to the face, and Razer mice are pretty good. Actually, I learned a third thing also: deathclaws take up all your ammo.
EVERY DAY I’M SHUFFLIN’ (…BWEEEW BWWWEEE BWEEW BWEEE BWOOOP)
After looking at multiple routes on my map, I decided to just travel on the highway which continues south and back around northeast of Nipton.
On the edge of Nipton, there’s a canyon which the highway leads through. Only a few steps in, crouched down, bwoop bwwop bwoopbooopboop starts happening, and then FWPOP. Yes, I am mining my own business again.
I sneak up next to a traffic cone, and it beeps and explodes as I’m trying to bunnyhop out of the way. Some campers up on the cliffs show themselves, and my varmint rifle shows itself to their face, because I always aim for the head pretty much. Ya know, so I can yell “BOOM! HEADSHOT!” everytime, and if you don’t know what it’s from you bettah go look it up (scroll down to the bottom videos for the actual series). Also, the head-explosion and head-popoff physics and animations of New Vegas are top-notch.
Yes, when I start walking over mines, I start singing Everyday I’m Shufflin. And yes, “uber-micro” is from the thing in the link above,
They’re returning fire on me returning fire, and as walk towards some cover, they lose sight of me while I’m right in front of them in a canyon. Wow, good ambush. I take cover anyways, and my compass shows some guys moving along the opposing ridge.
Lying in wait, a few more threats come into view, two of which are dispatched with handgun, while one runs off to never be seen again, probably stuck in an invisible wall somewhere over the cliff, as this game is somewhat fond of those when there’s cliffs nearby.
The guys on the other hill may still be a threat, but I’m still trying to do Dance Dance: Revolution over this landmine paradise.
I step near a traffic cone and lift it up with my telekinesis. Of course, the one cone I lift up doesn’t have a troll mine under it.
Later on down the road, I see a formation of Legion soldiers running over a hill. I see a yellow blip on my compass, and follow it, discovering that it is a crow. Hi crow.
There is some wooden tower overlook bunker things, so I look around them, don’t find too much interesting, and don’t see the legionaries anywhere.
So I walk some more, quicksaving every three feet.
I do finally hear lazorfire down towards a former highway overpass, and upon further sneak-vestigation, I find a carravan is reenacting the first scene of Star Wars: A New Hope using the faces of some Legion soldiers, possibly the ones I saw earlier. I jump on in and charge head-on with my pistol, and yes, I apply it directly to their forehead (gooosh you’ve made that joke enough times already).
I take their Denarris… yeah sure I butchered that spelling like a toolbag — and ammo and then bought some more ammunitionz from the carravan.
At some point during the night I pass through Novac (almost forgot the name there and resorted to calling it “Dino-town”), but continue on as everyone seems to be asleep at this time.
There is a massive building with solar panels surrounding it (later I would learn that this was Helios One) but I left it be as I thought it might be all abandoned and full of robots and stuff (this is only partially true). Then, some dudes start shooting at me, and I get cocky with my lazor rifle and start shooting at them in the open. One is spamming dynamite, and that cripples me, which really !@#$es me off, and so I also grab my dynamite and lob it back at them.
It takes a fair few dynamites and lazorz, and they’re finally dropped as I’m walking slow as fudge and I can’t fast travel back to Novac. Motherfluffer, this is legit @!#$ing me off, I have to walk like I’m in slow-mo footage which uses VALVE-time to detirmine framerate. Sorry VALVE, I’m making fun of your timing again because I am a Bilbo Baggins, but Steam sales rock, so we’re good.
After drugging da snitzel out of my self to recover health, I discover that I’m overweighted due to my maximum encumbrance being lowered from being crippled. Yes, I am drawing out sentences now. Maybe I always was. See? Exactly.
I drop a bunch of random stuff so my life doesn’t suck, and then fast travel back to Novac.